Self Love Club

There is a certain peace that finds you when you realize that you yourself are your greatest love. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in watering other people's roots that we forget to water our own. Maybe we surround ourselves with people who were surface level friends and nothing more. Maybe we surround ourselves with people who we are comfortable with but they do not help you grow. They do not water you're soil and allow you to bloom. They just deplete your energy reserves. There is a certain peace that finds you when you stop trying your very best to find friends in an environment that does not support growth. There is a certain peace that finds you when you realize that you were all you ever needed and so you should love yourself more.

The point when I realized that it was more fulfilling to stay in, do my skincare routine, eat nourishing food, read books, or watch Netflix, and just take care of myself rather than go out, drink, and feel alone in a crowded bar was the moment that I realized I need to put myself first. I've tried for so long to surround myself with people who had the potential to be my friends, almost forcing myself to like people who I knew in my gut weren't right to surround myself with. But if I've learned anything about the universe lately it's that I cannot force anything or try to will anything to happen. I just need to shift my focus to something else for a while and someday the universe will manifest for me what I've needed all along. It will just happen when I'm no longer so caught up on it as an issue. Maybe this period in my life really has been about learning more independence away from friendship. Or maybe it has been about shifting my focus to learning how to be in an adult romantic relationship. Recently, I feel like my boyfriend and I have gotten into a good place because I stopped trying to force myself to go out and simultaneously forcing him to go too. I stopped putting a lot of my sadness about friendships onto him and started to just focus on our relationship. All of sudden it brought some sense of balance back into it.

So I decided to stop connecting with people or activities that do not serve me any good any longer. I've decided I'm going to stay in more. I'm going to work on myself. I will water the soil of my relationship with my boyfriend. I will be selective about what I let in and out of my life. Because the day that the universe decides that this season of my life is over and that change is due, then I want to be the best version of myself that I can be for those new friends and new opportunities. As of now I am focusing on self love. I am focusing on my self worth.

There is a certain kind of peace that falls over you when you stop reaching out and realize no one tries to contact you. For some, it may be lonely at first but eventually, it becomes peaceful to not have people in your life that don't want you to become the best version of yourself. The quiet is comforting and what follows is your independence. You start to do things alone and you find that you may like to do things alone.