And all of a sudden she no longer wanted to be perceived… but there was a time

I fear my frontal lobe is developing. All of a sudden wearing tiny tops, posting provocatively on Instagram, and crashing out on TikTok no longer is giving cutesy. It’s not a good look dare I say. This past week my whole identity that i’ve crafted over the years came crashing down.

All of a sudden I no longer wanted to be perceived by anyone. Of course this has been building up for a while, but somewhere along the line of constantly being objectified on Instagram and judged on TikTok led me to fully have an identity crisis. And it’s all for the better.

I woke up and realized I want to dress more modestly. I no longer wanted to let the section at the club be my second home. I don’t want to bare it all on Instagram. For years I found a passion in being a wannabe Insta Baddie, taking hot photos, and waiting for my girlies to cheer me on. And for years it was worth it. Until recently when I realized it’s not all that it used to be.

Now it’s feeding the male gaze unfortunately in ways that I didn’t intend. So for the first time in years I locked the gates. I went private. Now everyone on the outside is in the dark. And it feels damn good. Mysterious in ways too for those who lurk.

TikTok on the other hand i’m still figuring out… My crisis of identity when it comes to that silly little app could all be in my head. I’m a chronically online crash out. And I know people can relate. But I also feel insufferable at times. So i’ve taken a pause to recollect.

So who will she be if she isn’t the wannabe Insta baddie- tiktokker- outfit queen? She will post about her travels. She will post about her healing. She will post authentically. Because i’m done pretending to be someone i’m not. I’ve locked the gates to protect my peace. And it feels damn good.