19?

Today I turned 19. But it really doesn't feel like it. I feel like I lost a year of my life and it doesn't count. And as someone who is always in a panic in the race against time, losing a year has been dreadful.

Turning 19 was a mixed bag of emotions. I wanted my friends from Texas here to celebrate with me. But I was also excited to celebrate with some new friends. It was nice to see all the new faces who care about me but also hear from my old friends who still do. Thanks to everyone who reached out and to those who spent it with me. These crazy weekends are some that i'll always remember. But even so, it has been odd telling myself that i'm 19 now. Sort of a boring year. The only significance being that it is my last year as a teenager. I've always been told that your teenage years are some of the best. And it saddens be that I lost one of those years. I was supposed to have one of the best years of my life traveling, starting college, partying and making friends. But it's all gone to shit. I do not want to lose another year. I do not want to be sitting here in one year writing about another birthday in quarantine.

Next year I want to go wild. I want to go clubbing in LA. I want to wear a hot mini dress and feel like i'm on top of the world with my best friends. I want to go to a dinner without a mask. I want to be able to take a weekend trip somewhere and be able to drink pina coladas on the beach. I want a real birthday again!!! I want my life back! I'll manifest it for all of us, don't worry. We'll all be going wild next year.